The way of the future." Sorry, got distracted there. I feel like his inner monologue is just "the way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future."ĭan: "The way of the future. He urinated in bottles for this shit! Do you even KNOW how many jugs of homogenized milk he had to drink every day to prepare for this role? The more I gaze into Leo's vacant, thousand-yard stare, I’m starting to think that all that method acting might have gone to his head. Leo's trying to look casual, but he's clearly annoyed. Jamie Foxx may have imitated Ray Charles, but Leo was Howard Hughes? How dare they, Anna? How dare they? But you can tell this bullshit is starting to weigh him down. Leo is too good of an actor to let you know that he's pissed.
He's THAT COOL!ĭan: Look at that serious man! Let's break down that reaction: sternly clapping, fingers rigid in a little tipi of slowly simmering rage, eyes cast towards the stage like he's eyeing some Titanic-hating chump dancing with his girl from across the Viper Room.
Did people vape in 1994?ĭan: It wouldn't surprise me if Leo was in on the early beta testing for the vaporizer. Unlike Leo, who’s just thrilled to be there basking in this once-in-a-lifetime honor that will almost certainly never happen again. fresh-faced, like there's nothing this little dude wants more than to go home and play with his Nintendo Power Glove.ĭo you think Tommy Lee Jones let Leo touch the Oscar at the afterparty? And, like, where was John Malkovich?Īnna: Malkovich clearly gives no fucks about the Academy. Oh, wait, I just looked it up and Leo was actually 19 when this ceremony happened. Teens love Ralph Fiennes, right?ĭan: Yeah, there's nothing a sweet-faced little 10-year-old child star likes more than rubbing elbows with Amon Goeth from Schindler's List. Plus, he got to meet Ralph Fiennes, which is like every young boy's dream. Lost to: Tommy Lee Jones for The FugitiveĪnna: Aww, young Leo! He's only a wee lad here, so I feel like he was probably just happy to be nominated. Nominated for: What's Eating Gilbert Grape As the poster for The Revenant says, "Blood lost. To celebrate this end of an era, two of our writers and Leo lovers, Dan Jackson and Anna Silman, dug deep into the the actor's Oscar-losing faces. Why? Because it will break the streak of Leo's dignity-filled Oscar losses. It's his destiny.īut, as beautiful as that moment will be, it will also be sad. As the awards-season narrative demands, his whole career has been building to this point. He will walk up those steps, make a tastefully triumphant speech, hold the little gold man in his hands, and get whisked away to a tropical paradise populated by models half his age. In all likelihood, Leonardo DiCaprio will win his first Academy Award this weekend for his beard-growing and bear-fighting performance in The Revenant.
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